- Posted by: Sanjeev
- 21 Dec, 2023
The Psychology behind Infidelity: An Essay on Cheating in Marriages from Renowned Private Detective
Infidelity is a complex and sensitive topic that has plagued relationships throughout history. Infidelity destroys the essence of a relationship and can ruin a happily married relationship. Discovering infidelity shatters trust and disrupts the foundation of a marriage. Infidelity casts a dark shadow and causes unparalleled pain and suffering. It causes immense trauma and emotional turmoil. Sometimes the partner gets so offended that the slips into depression and anxiety. Mental health disorders due to infidelity are common to see.
There are psychological aspects that drive individuals to cheat in a married relationship. Cheating in marriage can be done by both sexes and the notion that a man cheats more than women is a comforting lie in itself. The biggest reasons that humans cheat are biological and genetic. Homo sapiens have biological and genetic predispositions towards non-monogamous behavior. Like some primates, we have inherited a tendency for polygamous relationships due to the purported advantages in terms of genetic diversity and reproductive success. Prominent anthropologists, such as Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, suggest that ancestral human societies have displayed polygamous arrangements. She is a professor at the University of California and has studied langurs of India, in her quest to know more about infidelity and polygamy. Donald Symons in his book “The Evolution of Human Sexuality”, opines that it is natural for men to seek multiple sexual partners. The genetic reason is also quite clear through research. There is always the presence of evolutionary and reproductive impulses in humans. Slight mutations in vasopressin and oxytocin receptor genes can increase the possibility of infidelity manifold. Another biological reason is the release of dopamine, commonly known as the “feel good” or “happiness” hormone. It has been found that dopamine is released in higher quantity when flirting or romancing with a person outside of marriage.
Furthermore, we are accustomed to thinking infidelity arises as a result of unhappy relationships, a moral flow, and deterioration of social values. However, these Victorian morals do not apply to modern society. Many people live an open marriage and have no qualms or guilt associated with infidelity. Therefore, it becomes all the more imperative to understand the human psychological aspect with an open mind. Infidelity if taken as taboo or a curse, cannot be comprehended. It is crucial to recognize that human behavior is highly diverse, and cultural, social, and individual factors also significantly shape relationship dynamics. The evidence that humans are inherently polygamous is highly debatable. Contemporary human societies are formed on the grounds of ethics, morality, and culture which should supersede the animalistic tendencies of primitive humans. Therefore, while evolutionary influences may play a role, it is an oversimplification to assert that humans are inherently predisposed towards polygamy based solely on genetic or biological grounds. The factors that lead to infidelity and the motivation behind it need more brainstorming. From unmet emotional needs to a desire for sex outside marriage, many factors lead to infidelity.
To comprehend why people engage in infidelity, it's essential to explore the dynamics involved. Factors such as boredom, lack of communication, or personal insecurities can lead individuals to seek emotional or physical connections outside their marriage. However, besides the aforesaid reasons, the major reasons of infidelity in marriage are:
Lack of emotional connection: Humans need emotional support. If emotional support is deficient, the partner is likely to seek emotional connection outside the institute of marriage. The need for emotional support is based on trust. When emotions are connected, a feeling of affection and care comes automatically.
Sexual incompatibility: Sex is the major drive that keeps the partner in a strong bond. Sexual dissatisfaction is the major trigger of infidelity in the institute of marriage. If the partner feels dissatisfied and sexual desires are not satisfied, the temptation to seek sex outside marriage grows.
Better opportunity: The availability and accessibility of potential partners also play a role. In older days there was no intermingling of the two sexes. Nowadays, both sexes have easy access to each other. The incidence of infidelity arises in a setup where individuals meet people of opposite sex. Workplace relationships develop because the opposite sexes spend hours interacting with each other away from the vigilante eyes of their partners.
Broken communication: Good communication is key to a healthy relationship. Partners need to seek communication to describe their needs and desires. Using effective communication, disputes between the partners can be resolved. An understanding can also be developed.
Attention-seeking behavior: There is a tendency to seek attention and get appreciation from outside in some people. If a cheating partner feels neglected, unwarranted, or unappreciated in the marriage, they are more likely to find support from outside. Individuals with low self-esteem may be more prone to seeking external validation. Infidelity can become a way to boost self-worth and gain a sense of desirability. Constant neglect by own partner may force a person into getting into other relations.
Dissatisfaction with the partner: Overall dissatisfaction with the partner can lead to infidelity. The compatibility of two persons is very important for two persons to remain in the relationship. Couples should respect each other and have a sense of love and affection. Sometimes there are constant fights and it further aggravates due to non-resolution. Such partners who are not living in a functional marriage are more likely to go astray.
Personality traits: Some personalities like crime-prone, impulsive, risk takers, thrill seekers, etc are more prone to have an adulterous relationship. People who love to party and meet new people can also have affairs easily.
Monetary issues: In some cases, the relationship is purely monetary, where the man pays money to the woman to have sex. If such a relation is an affair then it is the dignified form of prostitution.
Technological advancement: There are so many ways a person can have affairs, which were not there earlier. One such big factor is social media and easy dating. Specialized apps and websites which are made only for dating such as Tinder and Bumble are just a download away. So plainly speaking it has become easy to have an affair outside of marriage nowadays.
Abusive marriage: Some people simply end up in bad marriages. According to research, a person whose partner is an abusive, drug addict, alcoholic, etc. is more likely to get into extramarital affairs.
Long distance relationship: Some partners stay away due to work compulsions or other family issues. In need of constant companionship, such people develop relations outside of marriage and get into infidelity.
Why do people approach detective agencies for infidelity?
There are several red flags of infidelity. If someone thinks that they can cheat right under the nose of their partner, without being caught then they are living in a fool’s paradise. Infidelity has several signs, which are easily identified by the partner. Some of the vital signs of infidelity are a decline in sex and romance in marriage, keeping passwords on the phone and devices, coming late, wilful neglect of partner, behavioral disorders, hiding even small things, comparison of partners with someone else and excessive consciousness about self-grooming. When partners point out such signs, the offending partners rather than accepting start open defiance. Without any solid evidence and proof the offending person gets aggressive and defiant rather than accepting guilt. So, such people often turn to detective agencies and hire the professional services of a private investigator to expose their partner. Infidelity investigations by private detectives are very common nowadays.
How private investigators can help people suffering from infidelity?
Private detectives are the first person whom someone should approach if suffering from infidelity. A detective agency can assist people in finding evidence of infidelity. The evidence found by private detectives can be used to prove the infidelity. Infidelity investigations are major work of any private detective agency and hence they have full experience in it. A private detective by his experience has a good grip over the psychology of a person involved in infidelity. So a PI extends his professional services to gather evidence of infidelity. A Private detective also plays a crucial role in counseling, support, and healing of his client. He knows the emotional toll of infidelity and can comfort the person who suffers from it. So the services of private detectives should be hired to address the specific needs in case of infidelity.
